Many men with whom I work come into see me about performance anxiety in bed. First thing first, just because you may have this issue, doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. Additionally, don’t believe that your cock has anything to do with this. Of course, it does to a certain extent, but not in the way you may think.
ADVICE: The first thing I tell men is this, “You will be fine and we will figure this out together.” This statement is not only true, but allows the guy a partner in crime. He’s out there on his own, nobody to talk to about this. Surely, his friends aren’t going to be the first ones he goes to. So, it’s time to partner up with someone who really gets you. So, no matter if you see me, or someone else, do get other opinions. Mine is not the only one, but it is the right one. I do know that.
CHAMPIONS: Second, men who want to get help and get it are the real champions. Men who sulk and don’t talk about it will not be the ones ending up with the women. It is the strong that go to therapy, coaching. Don’t make the mistake of saying it won’t help. I have over 17,000 people who say it does
So, here is the down low, and I don’t mean that kind. Listen up.
1) You are not your penis. Contrary to popular belief, you just aren’t. He isn’t you and you aren’t him. So, let’s start with the fact that you are a human being and you have a one. Cool? Deal? Great. It’s a holistic look and it matters.
2) Human beings have and hold emotions. There is nothing wrong with you just because you feel fucked up. That is a psychological thing. Attention: if you do in fact think you have a physical problem, i ask you to go see a Doctor and then come back and see me. Okay read on.
3) I may sound like a sappy west coast therapist, but i need to tell you and this and give you permission to EMOTE. Look it up if you don’t understand.
4) Next, coaching won’t work for the disapproving. Those men whom don’t have the time or don’t want to try to figure this out, I can’t help you. If you are not interested in getting harder, doing it for longer, or being superiorly capable in bed, don’t waste my time. I’ll allow you to view my text, but if you don’t have the balls to come to grips with yourself that you really just might need a little help, then God help you. And I will too…don’t give up!
5) You need to know first off that psychology and performance are inextricably related. I’m not saying you need to know everything about how you feel, but knowing a little bit at a time is the secret to success.
You have a new girlfriend, or want one, or are scamming at a bar. Whatever. You’re there. Okay, you’ve finally tied the knot in one way or another and this person and you are now “good” together. Only thing is that ever since you’ve been sexual, you can’t remember a time when you had any kind or even sort of “problem” in bed. Then one day, it happens. You get limp, you go soft, you just go. What are you going to do about it?
The thought that you can’t or might not be able to get it up is such a scary notion, that you would do just about anything to make that image go away. In fact, when your girlfriend mentioned that she sees a therapist specializing in sexuality, you never thought you would, but the next day you were on that couch wishing to god it would all be over soon.
So, you talk with the specialist, and she happens not only to be attractive, but she actually knows what she is talking about. In fact, upon your departure, you actually feel a sense of confidence, that just maybe, you might get the answer you are seeking. Okay, good job! Now,next step.
Second session: you’ve made it past the embarrassment and shame you incurred last week and now your in your second session. Things are looking up.
You’re finally able to discuss that you lose your erection. Good for you! Seriously, talking about it, naming it out loud is the first step to success!
Just between you and me, men don’t ever come to me and say, “I can’t get it up or I lose it”, I have to finagle it out of them. I might say something like, “here is an example, I worked with a man who was a stud, stallion, hottie, whatever and he came to me because he had no idea what was wrong with him. He thought, did I all of a sudden turn gay? Am I not attracted to my mate anymore? Is there something wrong with my body? Have I contracted a terrible disease? Is it genetic?
The amount of freakishly crazy ideas that hit a man in his head all at the same time can be very stressful and overwhelming. Since that is the case, I’ll give you some real life examples of how to overcome performance anxiety. It begins with you understanding these 5 concepts.
1. You’re not alone. Tons of guys, even though they will never admit it to you, have this issue. Self defeat is their enemy!
2. It is the really confident ones that get coaching. I say that because they know somewhere inside themselves, something will be corrected and they will get the help they need. So consider yourself A Cool Guy! Congrats. Seriously. I honor you!
3. It’s not your fault. That is my favorite one. Most men think it’s their fault that their mate is not getting off. Wait until you hear why.
4. Mens jaws drop when they hear this from me, “women are responsible for their own orgasms!”. Seriously, I will get into this later and explain why. It should take the edge off.
5. When you “feel” good about yourself, confident, your penis feels the same. Your Cock, your Jimmie, your Johnny, your whatever goes right along with it! Yes, there is a simple equation. You feel hard and solid about yourself, so does he! Win win.
So, now you know a bit about this subject, but how do YOU get the help you need? First off, you can follow along with me, daily and/or sometimes weekly and I can provide for you content that is informed, solid, transparent and honest. This is also not a plead for any kind of “follow status” as I’m past that grade and don’t seriously care about how many people like me. I know what I know. I have strong opinions and I’m always right. Sorry guys, it’s true. So, to finish you off, keep reading and keep believing in yourself and you will love what you find out.
Love and Passion,
Alison (Ask Alison)